The Delightful Terror of Illumination

The second of the three classical "ways" of spiritual formation is "illumination."  In many traditional formulations it is described as coming after the first way, which is “purgation” (see below), and as preceding the third way, which is “union.”

In our book on Transforming Spirituality, Steve and I argue that these are not linear steps but interrelated moments within an ongoing process of intensification.

Nevertheless, we can see how illumination does follow purgation in a sense.  When the structures of life become disturbed in such a way that one is willing to face the fact that particular ways of relating are hurting others or oneself, then one is opened up to the possibility of interpreting the world differently.  More than this, one discovers the need for one’s very way of intending to be transformed.  We tend to prefer homeostasis, and will do what it takes to maintain equilibrium, as long as everything is OK or we can at least repress the feeling that something is wrong.  But purgation pushes us out of equilibrium, and we recognize that we are not in control, that we have not understood the world appropriately, that we need some new insight or way of seeing that can help us move toward health and wholeness. 

The term illumination fit well during periods of history in which (neo)Platonic conceptions of knowledge dominated, since the main metaphor for knowing was light.  This is still with us today in expressions like “I saw the light” or “that lecture was enlightening.”

The way in which purgation and illumination are tied together is hinted at by St. John of the Cross in Dark Night of the Soul:

“[The soul] does indeed receive light from this Divine light; but the soul cannot see at first, by its aid anything beyond what is nearest to it, or rather, beyond what is within it – namely, its darknesses or its miseries, which it now sees through the mercy of God, and saw not aforetime, because this supernatural light illumined it not.”

Moving beyond this medieval model of psychology, we can still make the connection between purgation and illumination.  Sometimes purgation brings little illuminations, like seeing that a particular idea was inadequate or a specific act is problematic.

At other times, however, the illumination may involve a more intense reconstruction of one’s WAY of seeing. 

Once a young man came to me, and asked for counsel about his struggle with his sexual urges.  He despised the way he saw other men treating women, viewing them as sexual objects, but was even more horrified that he saw this attitude in himself.  He was beginning to fear that this urge was simply who he IS, and that he had no way to escape it.  He was wondering whether to just give in to this desire, since he saw no way out. Yet, he really didn't want to because he felt that following such urges indiscriminately was not "right."

We talked about many things, but my explanation of the difference between the id, the ego and the superego was actually the most helpful. Set aside for now the problems with Freudian psychology, and focus on the basic insight of the self-relationality within consciousness. 

I suggested that his id was the source of these desires, and this was natural since he was a member of a species that had evolved precisely because males of the species had the desire to copulate with female members.  Then I pointed out that this alone is not who he is.  “He” was struggling with this desire, which meant that the desire did not completely define “him.”  I suggested that his superego was mediating to him a sense of ethical regulation, indicating that acting on these desires without any restraint would not in fact lead to a healthy self or social life.  The superego was also “part” of him.  The “ego” functions as an organizing agency to hold the two together, so to speak.  (I know this was simplistic… it was a young person not trained in psychology.) 

The point is that “he” was not simply the id, but a complex relation relating itself to itself in the relation as it relates itself to others.

The change in his face was the most astonishing transformation I’ve seen in a single counselling setting. 

He had come in extremely distraught, ready to give up, viewing himself as hopelessly caught by this desire.  He left smiling and beaming with joy.  He came to see… he was illuminated… The experience of facing the need for purgation opened him up to a new sense of roominess within his very being, which opened up new possibilities for shaping his intentionality in relation to others, especially young women.

These intense experiences of illumination require deeper purgation, but they are all the more transformative.

One of the implications is for ecclesiology.  If we create social structures that do not allow people to go through purgation… deep, serious, painful struggle… then we cut off the possibility for deep transformation.

Comments

[Andrew Arndt]

Very good:

"One of the implications is for ecclesiology. If we create social structures that do not allow people to go through purgation… deep, serious, painful struggle… then we cut off the possibility for deep transformation."

I move in religious circles that tend toward an under-interpreted form of grace (everything is done by God through the Holy Spirit; ergo, there is nothing for us to do) and toward a fear of anything that would generate what is usually called "a sin-consciousness", fearful that this will lead them toward "legalism" and "bondage."

What is fascinating, then, is that in the church I help pastor, our invitation to people to participate with us in some pathways for transformation during the Lenten season has been met with STIFF resistence. The most common objection (this is a church mainly populated by lifetime non-denom charismatics) is that undertaking Lenten discipline will lead to legalism: i.e., trying to earn God's love. When probed, it becomes clear, however, that it is not really "legalism" that troubles people most, it is the disequilibration that comes actually having to face oneself. It is as though the corporate soul of this group of people (if I may put it so) is so undifferentiated that it cannot handle dealing honestly with questions of a sinful and dehumanizing ordering of one's personal and social life. "I can't do that! It will take my eyes off of the grace of God."

I do, of course, love them, and am sensitive to the fact that too much disequilibration simply destroys ("I have much to say to you; more than you can now bear"). But my overriding impression is that the ecclesial and theological structures of Tulsan Christianity (I pastor in Tulsa) have created a believer who is like a child so insecure in the family that they cannot bear to have mom and dad sit down with them and say, "You know, this is destructive behavior and you need to stop it." That gets over-interpreted as rejection, with the result that many NEVER purpose in their heart to walk through the process of purgation unto illumination. It is simply too painful.

The truth, I think, is that going through the pascha of purgation takes a lot of courage, and courage is only begotten when one knows they are loved.

Which means that in my context, we must ALWAYS emphasize, to use language familiar to the readers of this blog, the "ontic security" they have in Jesus Christ ... that they can trust he will faithfully hold them in being as they face the truth about themselves ... that purgation will not undo them, but lead to "the peaceable fruit of righteousness"

"And you have forgotten that word of ENCOURAGEMENT that addresses you AS SONS: 'My son, make not light the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he chastises all those he accepts as sons.' Endure [purgation] as discipline; God is treating you as sons."

This is the paradigm for transformation we cling tenaciously to as we work to lead people through their respective "journeys to pascha"

That's my two cents

[LeRon]

Andrew,

Your comments brought a huge smile to my face!

It is so wonderful to hear pastoral stories like this. I completely agree with you about the need for love to be the all-embracing context within which courage to face pascha is evoked.

Well said! Definitely worth more than two cents. ;)

LeRon

[David Worley]

I loved the post and desire to see churches embrace the transformative power of pain. Personally, this trajectory is close to my heart as over the last three years I have observed first hand just how difficult it can be to live this out in a local faith community. My wife and I were part of a church plant here in Denver that, as one of its primary purposes, was intended to help cultivate people's pain towards fruitful spiritual transformation. The church plant was organized around this as one of its three key functions, we were funded to help us get off the ground, and we were set up to succeed (staffed in a way that could make this possible). What happened? Total failure within two years! Why?

In short, the trajectory of embracing pain is painful and people generally avoid pain at all costs – even when the avoidance is obviously destructive for them personally and for their faith community corporately! Pretty elementary isn't it. I wrote this first sentence a bit tongue-in-cheek because it seems so obvious, but fundamentally I watched pain avoidance completely undermine a church plant intended to embrace this very idea.

Over the last eight months since the dissolution of the plant, I have often reflected on what went wrong; namely, how could the key leader within the church plant choose to avoid their own pain and misuse others' pain? I am confident Calvin and Augustine would claim that human depravity is the reason but I am not entirely sold on that view. Personally, I see the desire to control one's own basic needs as the core reason for such a move. In other words, self-protection and self preservation by pastoral leadership undercuts pursuing constructive illumination in an ecclesial context – surrendering in total dependence on God is the only way I know to move through this process.

The LeRonic thought that everything boils back to fear and desire is, I think, primary in figuring out core motivations and thus are central for a person to either embrace or insolate from pain. What I observed with the key leader was that controlling his own need for affirmation, value, security, and love overrode the desire to embrace his own pain and this reality completely undermined the church on multiple levels. How can one lead others to a place one is unwilling to go? It is a leadership impossibility. More importantly though, I observed something else occurring in the plant that should serve as a warning for all pastors who wish to embark on this ecclesial journey: helping people open their souls to embrace the core pain of their lives comes with great responsibility to ethically use that relationship (spiritual director to parishioner) in a loving and non-manipulative way. I observed first-hand what happens when someone uses other's core pain to manipulate situations to control the faith community. This is spiritual abuse of the worst possible form and, I think, can effectively inoculate many people from ever pursuing the spiritual journey again.

So what's my point here regarding embracing pain? Basically, I long to see this happen in churches because I believe it will transform the world. I think the purgation-illumination-union paradigm is a central motif of what it means to follow God in the late-modern world and if the church is going to have a meaningful spiritual presence in the world it should embrace this. I have observed the pitfalls of such a journey as being nearly fatal (spiritually) but what else do we have? What else is there to pursue? If union with God and with each other is not the goal what is the point of the Church?

Thoughts? Ideas? Stories?

[LeRon]

Hi David,

I think you are right.

In light of your recent experience, have you thought of ways that a believing community might order itself differently with the goal of facilitating such transformation?

Of course it is ultimately a work of divine grace, but we participate in and mediate grace to each other, and it seems that some social structures might be more conducive than others, at least in some contexts.

Can you imagine a "church" (if one must call it that) in which purgation, illumination, union (intensification) was a dynamic that guided decision making at all levels? What might it look like!?

LeRon

[LeRon]

Dear Everyone,

I am always trying to discern why some topics on the blog lead to lots of comments and others do not.

I wonder if the example I had given of illumination had to do with drugs or something instead of sex...

The dynamics of transformation operate regardless of the addiction. The nature of the finite object in relation to which we feel anxiety is less important than the process.

On the other hand, this is a deeply vulnerable topic, and I can see why people might be hesitant to jump in withe personal examples of their experiences of enlightenment!

Hmmmm.... actually, even my example was of someone else.

OK, the counseling situation was real, but it is also true that my own experience of struggling with the s-word followed a similar course.

And the illumination was transformative in the same way. Only it was Kierkegaard (surprise) not Freud that lead me to the insight. And Darwin, of course. Ah yes... Darwin the therapist.

By the way...

Why do you think "light" provides such a powerful metaphor or image for this transformation... whether in Scripture, church history or your own experience?

LeRon

[Daniel Eller]

“For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6

LeRon,

Your comments brought to mind some of my own struggles with “youthful lust.” The question of sexual identity has always been a tricky one for me. For a long time, I was never quite sure how to identify myself as a sexual being and, yet, one who has been given the “light of the knowledge” of Christ. It wasn’t until I started reading a biography of Henri Nouwen that I began to really live in the “light” and learn to re-identify with the person of Christ in such a way that also shed light on my sexual identity.

Nouwen’s sexual “orientation” was never really a secret from anyone who was close to him or to most of his students. Furthermore, the complexity of his pursuit for sexual identity was compounded by his call to the priesthood. He often wrote how this was the source of much of his depression. However, through this painful purgation of re-identifying himself as one covenanted to Christ, he was able to find the freedom to serve others. One of the ways he went about this process of “letting the light…of the face of Christ” shine on him in this “dark” place was to have an icon made of a Jesus who “identified” with him, Nouwen, in all ways… including his sexual orientation.

This had a truly profound affect on me, as it gave me the courage to release the old paradigm of an unrelational law… which only served to condemn me. Furthermore, I was able to move into the light of covenantal relationship, whereby the “knowledge of Christ” now sheds light on who I am… Even as Nouwen was able to identify himself, sexual-self and all, as one found in Christ… so too have I found a new mediator for myself as I relate to myself in relation others.

Because of this “illuminative” experience, I have been able to talk with others who have struggled, are struggling, with their identity and several have found freedom to live covenanted relationships with others that are in the light… whatever their orientation, they are learning to live in the light of a new covenant with an illuminating mediator.

dan

[LeRon]

Hi Dan,

Thanks for joining me in the vulnerability!

The Nouwen example is fascinating. It seems to me that this shows the connection between purgation and illumination quite clearly.

Especially as evangelicals, we have tended to exclude sexuality from transformation. By that I do not mean that we ignore it, but that by "transformation" in this case we mean arriving at a "spiritual" purity in which we do not even want to do it, except in the missionary position after a civil ceremony legalizing our choice of heterosexual mate, and even then to still have total control over our desire to do it, and for sure not talking about it in church.

Too bad really... because for so many people this is the dimension of their identity with which they most deeply struggle, and a purgation that is more than simply a repression of urges could be so very illuminative and lead to deeper capacity for intimacy and union.

Hmmm... yes... another book... perhaps: The Delightful Terror of Illuminating Sex? ;)

LeRon

[silas morgan]

LeRon,

You ask why 'light' proves to be so powerful as an image for transformation. You mention Scripture (rightly), but then refer to church history. I think perhaps this is the most promising location of anaylsis. Particularly in the eastern tradition, the concept of 'Light' as not only a metaphor in spirituality but also a reference to the Divine Being Itself. If by understanding the structure of the Trinitarian community, as a relation of 'illumination', one might understand that the Immanent union is one that produces not only grace, hope, and freedom in the divine economy, but also Light. 'God as Light' helps us concieve of a Life whose reality seeks to bring not just salvation from illumination. A God whose very reality is centered on 'being' Light to the Church, a Spirit whose proper role is to 'convict' ('unveiling'), a Divine Son whose mission is to draw us into the Light of the Father, the Justice in Freedom, that is the Light of union through grace.

To me, interpreting God as 'Light' allows me to see the end of purgation as not just my own abilty to move beyond my sinful relation, but rather as freedom to interpret God as It is, a being whose 'becoming' is the "Light"
of (and towards) the world, an illumnating Freedom for Man, a Revelation of Justice. (yes, I have been reading Barth...alot)

In others, 'light' is powerful, not just because it is instructive for my own self-understanding (sexual identity, differentiation from the 'other'), but also because it brings fresh insights about the economic/immanent Trintarian dynamic .

Silas

[Sara Worley]

OK, first of all, you are funny LeRon...

Secondly, I have really enjoyed reading your entries on purgation and illumination (and look forward to the union one as well - playing catch up today - it's snowing once again in Denver today so it's a good day to do so).

David mentioned our recent painful church experience above, and in the days following its demise I found myself questioning if what I had so deeply believed going into it was really God’s vision for a community of faith. Intuitively, I believed it was true, but my experience screamed otherwise. One day recently, I was watching Oprah and she had a guest (Gary Zukav) on who was talking about spiritual partnerships. I have no idea what his theology is, but he was saying everything that I believed to be true about the community of faith – it was beautiful. I put the things he was saying into my theological grid and once again, was re-envisioned to be a part of a community of faith that together works toward authentic biblical transformation.

I then read your entry on Delightful Terror (I think that was the one) and you confirmed with more intensity, that not only is it possible but necessary for the community of faith. Thank you for that – for helping me believe what I think to be true and have experienced in my own relationships. I can’t go back – once I begin paying attention to myself, I cannot help but see my propensity to live in fear and therefore acting toward others in self-protection and self-preservation. You are part of the voice in me that says, “Sara, you get to be you… you need to be you in your world!” Thank you LeRon for being you in the world because it helps me be me.